I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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