ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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