U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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