she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
did you just send me my own nude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
