So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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