I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
