M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
