I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
