so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
