I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
