I just threw up on my dentist
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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