i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
