I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
