Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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