i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hippo gnu deer
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
