I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
