How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
