this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
