I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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