Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
