please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize