Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
