Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
