So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
