Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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