I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
