Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
