i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
