I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
