Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
