some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
