There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
