Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize