Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize