My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
