great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
