Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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