Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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