shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
