my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
