she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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