I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
