Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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