We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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