the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
