i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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