you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
