You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
