So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
