Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
