Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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