Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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