So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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