My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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