Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
