Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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