Barsexuality is the new black.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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