Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
