the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
