Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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