nut hugger
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it because I queefed?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
