I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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