I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize