After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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