So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
