yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
