either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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