Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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