Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
