I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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