Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
