i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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