I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
