the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
