mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
