I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
