Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
