It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
