Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
