i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize